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This week’s friend is what we call “handsome” in the classical sense, and hilarious in the classical sense, his taste in music is great, I know this because we recently discovered we have the same seminal album. That’s when I knew I had to talk to this guy, and find out what ELSE we have in common – so let’s do just that! It’s @YuckyTom on Twitter and OLD TOM to you!
Questions from Twitter
how many Walmart greeters have you kissed, and what are you going to do to get that number up?
— llama (@LlamaInaTux) July 23, 2019
Let's roll:
— Todd 'Papi' Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) July 23, 2019
1) If you were a new member of KISS, what would be your character/make-up deal?
2) What's your most embarrassing dating experience? Hopefully something that involves comically losing your pants
3) How do you manage to walk the line between nice guy & bad boy and why?
Dear Tom, please answer my very important questions. how many soda flavors can you mix in one mug and how many soda flavors SHOULD you mix in one mug??
— taffy b ◬ (@singwithTaffy) July 23, 2019
Hi, here is my question for Tom: "Who is the best?"
— JoelKrass (@JoelKrass) July 23, 2019
What is your favorite tweet reenactment that involves me being removed from Costco?
— Dave Cactus (@dave_cactus) July 23, 2019
If you could only read one book for the rest of your life which one would you pick and why?
— ▪️EffYeahSteph▪️ (@eff_yeah_steph) July 23, 2019
Where do you stand on beans on toast?
— Phil P (@advicefromphil) July 23, 2019
How many whiskey shots would it take to turn you into a real life version of your “ayy grl” tweets
— Asia (@AsiaDNYC) July 23, 2019
Top 5 gangs of ALL time?
— Michael Armstrong (@The_Big_Drink) July 23, 2019
Tom what dat mouf do
— CapriCornyCaitlin♑ (@CapriCornyCait) July 23, 2019
When was the last time you cried and how many coins can you fit in your hog?
— Saddington 2 ✈️😔 (@hayley_hud) July 23, 2019
What's lower than dogs
— Kevin (just Kevin) 🔶 (@Kevaclysm) July 23, 2019
Tom if u had a pool n you could only afford a slide or a diving board what would you go with
— HEEE🌈HAW⚪ (@ComradTwitty) July 23, 2019
Tom what's you're favorite household object to use as a hammer when u dont have a hammer
— HEEE🌈HAW⚪ (@ComradTwitty) July 23, 2019
Tom do u think you could beat a crab in one on one combat? The particulat crab u gotta fight is the size of a coyote and mad at you for personal reasons
— HEEE🌈HAW⚪ (@ComradTwitty) July 23, 2019
is that bae tattoo real?
— jakey wakey (@parttimewinner) July 23, 2019
If you were a costar notification what would it be and why
— Saddington 2 ✈️😔 (@hayley_hud) July 23, 2019
what is the legal height to tease your hair in New Jersey and also can you demonstrate picking up change for the listeners and all of the hardcore dancers out there?
— James Alvarez (@ObscureGent) July 23, 2019
VERY SPECIAL SEGMENT – MORGAN and Tom
house feminist paint a fake railroad tunnel on the side of a cliff that i figure out is a trick just before i bonk my noggin but a very real locomotive emerges and decimates me anyway
— 🐆𝚘𝚕𝚍 𝚝𝚘𝚖🐆 (@YuckyTom) June 11, 2019
jfc house feminist beat me about the legs and torso with a club carved from an ancient oak tree then put me in a time machine stolen from the area 51 raid and drop me off in the mesozoic period and feed me to an allosaurus bc being this hot should be illegal and i can’t go on
— 🐆𝚘𝚕𝚍 𝚝𝚘𝚖🐆 (@YuckyTom) July 15, 2019
yes hello um can u just tie each of my limbs to four separate horses facing four separate directions and fire a starter pistol to spook them then cut me down, fold me up end over end in an alternating pattern and play me like an accordion plz
— 🐆𝚘𝚕𝚍 𝚝𝚘𝚖🐆 (@YuckyTom) June 28, 2019
house feminist punch me in both my ass cheeks until they’re flat against my body and the next time i go down a water slide i just shoot off into oblivion and freeze to death in the vacuum of space
— 🐆𝚘𝚕𝚍 𝚝𝚘𝚖🐆 (@YuckyTom) July 4, 2019
What animal would you be if your spirit was taken from your body and placed in a creature?
— Sweatpants Cher 🔶 (@House_Feminist) July 23, 2019
If you could channel an iconic celebrity’s energy whose would it be?
Can you describe how you feel turning back to face your friends after bowling
Where did you learn to throw a hatchet